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Lawrence, Iain. “Conversation with the angler.” PRINCE RUPERT, BC.Prince Rupert This Week. November 19, 1995:13 From his column "Across the Harbor" by Iain Lawrence - Conversation with the angler Please let me catch a fish. Please, please, please, please, please. I've been trying for days, you know. Three days in a row. And I haven't asked you yet, have I? Well, not seriously. So I'll tell you what: I'll count to three, and then I'm going to catch a fish. One . . . Two . . . Three! Rats. Well, I'll slow the boat down a little bit, OK? I'll just keep going in a dead straight line. And maybe you can slip one on the hook there. OK? Right. Going slow; going straight. I'll catch a fish in . . . Three . . . Two . . . One . . . I'll catch a fish right . . . Now! Right now! RIGHT NOW! Oh, come on! All I want is one fish. One lousy fish. I really don't think that's a whole heck of a lot to ask. So I'll tell you what. I'll close my eyes - they're closed, see - and when I open them, this rod's going to be bending like a whip. It's going to be absolutely nuts, OK? Right. I'm opening my eyes. Slowly, slowly. I'm - opening - my - Come on, will you! So it's the bragging isn't it? You don't like the boasting. OK, I promise I won't brag if I catch a fish. I won't tell anyone - not anyone! - how big it is. And if I lied before, well that was just a mistake, an honest mistake. So I'll tell you what. I'll tap my foot on the deck three times, and then I'll catch . . . No! I'll tap my foot three times, and then I'll clap my hands, and THEN I'll catch a fish. Rats. Look. Is it the pleading? You don't like the begging? OK. Then here's what I'll do. I will count backwards from five. And when I get to one there will be a fish on the line. There will be a fish on the line. Five. Four. Three. Ready . . . Two. Here it comes . . . One! Zero! Zero! Zero! Zero! OK. I'll just tap the deck three times, and then I'll clap my hands, and then I'll do a little jig, and THEN . . . I got one! I don't believe it; I got one! Heh, heh! I'll just reel it in and - Oh man! There WAS one on there, I know there was. Why are you doing this to me? You think it's fun to lead me on, to play me this way? Everything I try, you do this to me. It never fails, does it? You let me get right up to it, you let me touch it, and then - you pull it away! It's just like my brother used to do. Just exactly like that. "Come on, here's a cookie. Take the cookie." Well, I hate that. And I hate - Look I'm sorry. I know you don't like anger. So here's what we'll do. I'll tap the deck three times, I'll clap my hands and do a little jig,then I'll run around the boat, and THEN . . . |